why is that? As i eat I know I will hate myself for this but I do it anyways...just keep eating...its awful...I hate that I do that to myself...its the worst thing
Today, I went to starbucks had a chai tea ( no fat/no foam) but then i managed to order a lemon poppyseed loaf!!! ARGH!!! It just tasted so good, I was in heaven.... but every bite told me I would pay for it later...
and thats the thing..I wish I could stop before i did that... because I know I will feel bad or will just feel over stuffed afterwards and yet i cant stop it...
I feel like if I dont eat it then and there i might never get the chance again....not sure what that is about... but its there in my mind.... I guess from all the time with others telling me what to eat or NOT eat..and having this feling that everyone is watching every bite that goes into my mouth..that I have developed this awful habit of hiding and eating...blah blah blah....
I have to face that.... heres what I do...
I will sneak off alone and go to a coffee shop, order a coffee and a snack...which I will inhale so no one can see me eating it...even myself..... or I will grab a burger on my walk homea nd again inhale it...
like if I dont acknowledge the actual eating it wont count, if no one sees it doesnt count....
Feeling sick today!
Saturday, March 24, 2007
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1 comment:
I can totally relate to everything your feeling. And worst of all I have no idea how to make it all go away. I do feel good when I see that I am losing weight but my goal seems so far it really feels hope less sometimes. NO WAY I dont want to be fat, but food is so good, why do we have to give up everything.grhhhhh. fat ole me, sitting right on the pitty pot with you ..so to speak!!!!
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